I’ll just come right out and say it.
Ive gained weight.
No, I’m not sick anymore, and I thank god for that everyday.
Was the weight necessary? Absolutely. I needed those extra pounds on me just in order to function. And sure, I probably look completely normal to anyone who sees me in passing. But the feeling of having that extra weight on you after becoming so used to being stick thin is one of the most uncomfortable things in the world. And its a feeling that isn’t easily understood. Especially when you feel like everyone around you is so much smaller than you.
It drove me to think myself in circles. I wondered where I went wrong. Where did my will power go? Why was I unable to say no to food anymore? Why did the thought of running not seem as exhilarating as it used to? I felt defeated. The comparisons started creeping back in. Going to the gym made me depressed because to me, I was no longer as in shape as the other women there. When was I going to be good enough?
But that’s the point: I AM GOOD ENOUGH. You are enough. Even if its a struggle to believe it everyday, its still unchanging, and its still true.
And every time we stand in front of the mirror, picking myself apart, the only purpose it serves is to prove that you aren’t good enough. When we participate in body checking, it’s such a negative process. We are literally looking for flaws within ourselves that aren’t even there. Why would we want to engage in a behavior that’s going to shoot our self esteem right back down? Its ridiculous.
I was enough at 130 lb.,,I was enough at 112 lb., and I’m enough at whatever unknown weight I am now. And that’s the take away. Your worth doesn’t vary like a number on a scale. You’re perfect no matter where you are based one simple fact: you are you.