new year, new beginnings

Well, its the time again. Ive packed up all my things and officially moved my residency an hour and a half north from Steubenville for the next 9 months. I don’t think I could ask for a better “home away from home” than Kent State. The anticipation to move in was KILLING me. Don’t get me wrong, I was far from dying to get away from my parents, but I just needed a little change in routine.

After one (busy) week of being at school before classes started, I sat in church on Sunday and reflected on the past seven days. Reuniting with my friends, going out, regaining some independence, when all of the sudden, this thought just hit me: I felt HAPPY. It was strange, but I entertained it for a few minutes. I remembered back to how miserable I was my first month into college of my freshman year– believing that I hadn’t made friends, feeling like there were all these things I “should” be doing, just like everyone else, being in the throes of my eating disorder, and going though a hard breakup. I was struggling. I prayed to God every night, asking Him why I was being put through this. But all the while asking for the strength to come out of this having grown from it. And thats what I feel like He helped me do. Comparing last year to this year is unbelievable. The unrealistically high, expectations of freshman year no longer exist. I was trying so hard to be a person that I wasn’t. This year, I feel like I’m floating. I have friends, I have confidence, and I just have this excitement to see whats in store for me. So instead of trying to “reinvent” myself like I aimed to do freshman year, this time around I’m striving to discover myself. To be the best version of Monica that I can possibly be, finding out new things about who I am, what I want in life and what makes me truly happy.

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